Growing In Kindness

Kindness gets praised as “simple” right up until the moment you have to practice it with someone who disagrees with you, disappoints you, or needs a hard truth. My wife, Lynn, joins me for a candid conversation about what kindness looks like in real life, especially inside close relationships and high-stakes work like school leadership. We talk about why kindness involves both heart and mind, and how our emotions can either fuel compassion or derail it.

We also untangle a word pair that trips up a lot of us: nice versus kind. Being nice can look like avoiding conflict or keeping things pleasant on the surface. Being kind can mean clarity, honesty, and the courage to have a tough conversation while still protecting the other person’s dignity. We share how trust changes everything, because when relationships are strong, feedback can land as care rather than criticism.

From random acts of kindness to mentoring teachers through classroom roadblocks, we dig into how kindness spreads through a ripple effect, how witnessing kindness can lift our mood, and why curiosity beats judgment when you want to lead well. If you’re a parent, educator, manager, or simply someone trying to be a better human, you’ll leave with practical ways to build trust, communicate clearly, and make kindness a daily habit.

If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs a lift, and leave a review so more people can find it. What’s one act of kindness you’ve seen that you still remember?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:24

We're back here at Half Century Hangout, and I get to choose to have some a guest with me, and I love it. It's my beautiful wife, Lynn. And so we're going to talk a little bit about kindness and living with kindness. We're going to talk about what that means to us, how we might have grown in that, and maybe the little bit of the difference between kind and nice. Because I think there is a difference. What do you think, Lynn?

SPEAKER_00 0:58

I think sometimes there's a difference, but they coincide as well.

What Kindness Requires Internally

SPEAKER_01 1:02

They do. They do. So Lynn, uh, tell us what do you think about kindness? What do you what do you think it takes to be kind?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I think kindness has a lot to do with where your heart and mind is at the same time. You thinking of others and trying to be giving of yourself and of your time and talents. And I think kindness sometimes comes easy, and I think sometimes kindness can be more difficult because your emotions get in the way sometimes.

Kind Versus Nice And Hard Talks

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah, that's that's true. I you know it it has to do with our relationships too. And um w we certainly have a great relationship, and we are kind to each other, and even in those times when we disagree, I think we're kind to each other, and I think that's what you have to be. Um, you don't necessarily, and that's the difference I see between being nice and being kind. Being nice is uh maybe letting things go a little bit and not really challenging that person and and saying, uh these this is what I believe, and and uh getting to the point where we can say, you know what, I I agree to disagree about that and listening and learning, uh, which is what the podcast is about. But that's kind of the way I see nice and kind. Um, the difference between that. Uh I think kind is is clear, and I've heard that from Brene Brown before, and and I I do believe in that. What do you think between kind and nice?

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I think kind and nice oftentimes people confuse as always the same thing. Um, but there are times when kindness means you have to have a hard conversation that might result in emotions that are maybe hard to walk through. And that doesn't always feel nice because the the end result sometimes can be difficult emotions. Um, but I think kindness really is something that it impacts people in such a deep way. When you see someone being kind, you it causes you joy. When you are kind to someone, it also brings you or causes joy in others. So I think there's just a a lot more, I guess, emphasis on kindness as opposed to just being nice.

The Ripple Effect Of Kindness

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Studies have shown that even if you aren't the recipient of that kindness, if you see it happening, it does improve the um chemicals that lead to happiness, amazingly, isn't it? And and that's that's the relationships that we build here at as human beings.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

I think that the example you just gave is sort of like the pebble in the pond, too. You see an act of kindness, a random act of kindness, and oftentimes you turn around and tell your friend or your coworker or your spouse or your child, and then they in turn tell the same story and it goes on and on and on. And so that one random act of kindness carries on throughout the day or days or weeks ahead, depending on what it was, and it might cause you to want to do something similar. So I think that I when I think about kindness and those those acts that you're just talking about, it just makes me think about the pebble and the pond and that ripple effect of it.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

What would you say? How have you grown in kindness? How have you, and you I you've always been a kind person. I I want to say that right now, but how have you grown in that kindness over time? And maybe uh as a leader in a school, we're we're both educators and and we both work in schools, and and Lynn is a leader in a school, um, how would you say that that maybe that that kindness and what you have to, those conversations you have to have that you were talking about, um, how have you grown with being able to have those conversations and still have a kind heart and still leave that person with some dignity?

SPEAKER_00 5:29

I think for me, when you talk about how has that grown for me over time, I think having mentors in my life that have demonstrated kindness in professional ways has had an impact on me because you you see how that plays out and then you begin to make it your own, make the conversation your own or the way in which you want to deal with the situation your own. And it goes back to what you said a minute ago. I think it's really steeped in relationships. So when at work, you mentioned if I'm building strong professional relationships with my staff or my community, my students, and kindness comes into play, I think that that relational piece is a big part of it. So I've grown in kindness as I've learned from people who have mentored me, but also I think in walking the walk of caring for other people and being responsible for their growth and helping them to be the best person that they can be, whether it's students, staff, or community. And and that's I think where the kindness blossoms the most.

Kind Leadership In School Challenges

SPEAKER_01 6:43

You know, Lynn, you are the one, and and people know me from the podcast. I'm not the storyteller. It's more Luke is the storyteller. And I would say in our relationship, you're more of the storyteller. Can you tell us a story about kindness and and maybe how you've had to um deal with that either at work or in a different relationship, different way?

SPEAKER_00 7:08

I gosh, I guess there's so many I could talk about um for about kindness. Um I think at school, I'll use the school example when um I'm working with a teacher that is trying to be trying to be the best they can be in their classroom, but they're they're running into roadblocks. Maybe it's a classroom management issue, or maybe it is um struggling with a student that they're trying to reach and they just feel like they're not making the gains. I think kindness comes out in walking the journey alongside of them and helping to equip them to know that they are capable, they are caring, and that it's going to be trial and error to get to the right answer for that particular student or situation. And walking alongside of people really demonstrates kindness because you're experiencing what they are with them so that you can help them to walk through it and get to the other side. So kindness is, I just think it's so critical in everything we do, whether it's within our marriage or us as parents, maybe in friendships, within our colleagues' situations at work, at church, whatever the case may be. I just think it is such a critical um characteristic, maybe, or act that is so important in building those relationships. And I don't think that you can walk this life or walk this journey of life without experiencing kindness from other people, but also giving it to other people. I think it's such a pivotal part of who we are.

Practical Advice For Being Kinder

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yeah, as human beings, that's what we're trying to build are those relationships. And when we when we do build those relationships, it's a lot easier to have those tough conversations and maybe be kind in helping people get better. And I think that's what both of us try to do. Um, as I have grown, and we talked a little bit about this, as we have grown, um, what we are trying to do is help others get better in what they are doing. So um, what would be your advice? And then I'll give my advice for people um building that kindness, building that uh ability to be kind to people, uh, and we're talking to some younger people maybe that are looking to grow in kindness.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

I think it's key to try to look at life or relationship situations in a positive light. And when you can do that, and you have more curiosity than criticism, or you have more wonder than judgment, that's when the kindness can flow. And when you put yourself in that positive disposition, I think kindness is quick to follow.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah, my advice for somebody is build those relationships. And you talked about the relationships, we've talked about the relationships, build those relationships with people, get to know people, let them get to know you, and that that for me can be a difficult thing, letting people get to know me a little bit. But um I I think that's where you can really get to being kind to people when when you get to know them, you you get that ability to help them be the best version of themselves. Uh, if you build that relationship, you get the permission to say, you know what, you we need to really look at this and and um maybe do some changes. And and I I think that's when you get that permission, is when you build those relationships.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

When the person you're with has a level of trust with you, you can say things that are hard and they're received in a way that uh tends towards kindness as opposed to criticism. So that trust, that level of trust is critical.

A Simple Random Kindness Challenge

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yes. And and I think that's what I would that's what I would tell people, build that trust, build that relationship so that you can be kind to people and help them grow. And so um I think any other closing comments from you, Lynn. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Well, I think kindness is a great topic. And I hope that just in, you know, all the listeners being a part of this time that we have together to have this conversation, I hope that it just instills them to have an opportunity today, before the end of the day, to do a random act of kindness or watch for one and talk about it and share it just so that kindness continues to spread. We need it in our world today.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Absolutely. Great, great conversation. Really love having you on the podcast.